The Mum Guilt!

So, today I went to the hairdressers and got my hair cut and coloured AGAIN! OMG i know right… twice in the space of 6 weeks. AND I had my nails done this afternoon too! What a treat! Previously i’d always been so concerned with being mummy and I wouldn’t dare spend any time, let alone money on myself!

Well, I’m a new woman! I’ve figured out that actually it’s not selfish to want to get your hair done nice once in a while. I started treating myself to manicures a few months back because i’ve always wanted long, pretty nails but as a lifetime of nervous picking and biting i’d never managed to grow them. Until I became pregnant with my fourth and final baby and they suddenly just became claws overnight and I desperately wanted to preserve them. So I found a nice Vietnamese guy in a hair salon. I don’t really understand what he says half the time so I tend to smile and nod a lot because I’m very hard of hearing and he wears a face mask AND speaks in a thick accent…

The thing is. No matter how much I know that treating myself is good for my sanity. After all, a happy mummy makes for happy children, right? I still feel the mum-guilt.

I sit there, feeling anxious, hoping they’re not crying. Wondering whether daddy has remembered to feed them and isn’t getting too stressed without my breast there to plug into the baby when she starts getting fractious!

He’s always okay. He always copes brilliantly. But I still have waves of mild panic when i’m away from them for more than an hour. I even hear phantom cries, which is really unnerving lol.

It is nice to have some of that me-time though. And after 5 minutes of being back home I soon realise I need another break!!